I have always been a dreamer with the ideal that I can change the world. I want to inspire people to be challenged by life and face it head on rather than run away. Although I admit I am guilty of turning and running at times because I’m afraid to face what’s in front of me, but eventually we all have to face forward and press on. We have the choice if we want to press on in fear or press on with the courage that we can survive anything.
Last night my husband and I were talking about our dreams. I’m a dreamer that loves to have a plan in place to get there, and my husband is the kind of guy who takes life as it comes focusing on the moment. We make a good pair. I have often said that he is the string that keeps my kite from flying off in the wind.
I work as an on-call chaplain. I love what I do, because I feel it’s important to be with people at the end of life, and walk with families through that critical time of change, and help people to live life to their fullest even to the end. While I love my ministry with hospice, I still desire to do more. Honestly, working as an on-call chaplain has it’s own challenges in being connected. Most of the families I see at night are a one time visit, so I do not have an established relationship to build upon. That is difficult since I’m a relational person.
When I was preparing my lessons for my Russia ministry, I noticed I became more alive and motivated in the preparation work. I enjoyed the challenge of writing my lessons, and thinking about what would truly inspire and challenge the students, and what would make a difference in their lives.
Over this past summer, while our church was in transition of finding a new youth director, I was able to teach high school sunday school on a regular basis. As challenging as it was at times to pull out a lesson, I loved thinking about how to engage these students on a level that inspires them to want to learn more. I have never thought of myself as a teacher, but over the years I have discovered a passion for teaching. I miss teaching these students, but I love that as one of their youth leaders, I get the joy of growing in relationship with them even if I’m not teaching a lesson.
I have talked with my husband many times about what it would look like if I took a church ministry position. I long to be more connected to the people I minister with, and I want to be challenged as well in the ministry I do. I want to teach more and engage people’s minds. I want to know what questions they have about faith and spirituality. I want to lead people in helping make a difference in the world and reaching out to others. However, like most people I too fear rejection. I have thoughts of “what if no one wants me?” When I hear that voice of fear, sometimes it stops me, other times I can brush it aside, but it’s a voice that I’m sure will always be with me. Challenging me not to listen to it, but to be brave and push beyond that fear.
I may not be applying for a church position anytime soon. But I have decided that I am going to write up my resume for the ideal position, and trust that in doing so God is going to unfold things before me that I may not be able to see happening now. So that when I am ready to apply for a position, and the timing is right for my family, I will be ready.