Being a mom, I crave time with adults. Time that does not include watching PBS kids, playing with space men, or barbies, and reading multiple bedtime stories. But when I’m not with my children, I miss that time we have together. I miss their smiles, and laughter. I miss the craziness of getting them ready for bed, and I miss their goodnight hugs.
I have been in Louisville, Kentucky since yesterday for a ministry conference. Last night I enjoyed my night of silence while I got ready for bed, and I even went to bed super early. But tonight I miss my family. I got to FaceTime with them just before bed, and watching my son snuggled under a blanket with his head on his pillow, and my daughter jumping naked on the bed while telling me about her day at school, made me miss being home with them.
This conference I’m at has been a wonderful learning experience for me, and I have had the opportunity to connect with other young moms who are pastors. Making these connections has been valuable for me both as a pastor and as a mom. Balancing motherhood and ministry definitely has it’s challenges, but it also has the greatest rewards. As I shared with one pastor today that I’m mom by day and hospice chaplain by night. His responded, “wow, that’s tough.”
I realize that we all are in different seasons of life with what we do professionally and with our families. In my current season, I feel like I’m the lion who comes out at night to hunt for food for my children (or earn a paycheck), and then becomes the tame mother by day taking care of my cubs. Fortunately if my cub sleeps… maybe I catch a few winks too.
I love the professional side of my life and ministry, but a large part of who I am revolves around me being a mother. A mother who gets to shepherd my children along until they are able to go off on their own. This past week, when I dropped my daughter off at kindergarten, she put her backpack on got out of the car on her own, blew me kisses, and ran off to school. I realized in that moment, that she has gained her own independence, and she is confident in her own to venture out… even if it’s just to kindergarten. Of course I wanted to cry because she is so independent, but I am confident in watching her go off that I have done my best as her mother to prepare her. Yes, she is only in kindergarten, and I will still prepare her for many other big moments in life, but this stepping stone feels like a hurdle since she is my oldest child.
I love the time that I have been home with my children, and although this season of life is very challenging at times, I’m grateful that as a family we have been able to make it work. I’m grateful that my husband and I have found (and at times still work on) a balance for helping our family to function. I’m grateful that I have been able to balance in some crazy way my motherhood and ministry.
Like I said, some days it’s a challenge, but most days it’s a blessing.