Today I was not as successful at pretending my phone was attached to the wall. Today I needed to talk to my husband and hear his voice as I was driving to meet a friend for dinner. I recognized that as I was driving I began to feel like I couldn’t breathe, and was concerned about having a panic attack. It really sucked to feel that way, but thankfully I got where I needed to be safely with my husband distracting my mind by talking about the type of chimney to put on the wood fire pizza oven he is building.
I recognized this after the fact, but I had difficulty turning to God with my anxiety. I use to be good about bringing things like this to God, but lately it’s been more difficult. Last year when I was on a women’s retreat with my church, as I spent time in prayer and writing in my journal the word “Trust” came to me. I considered that my word for the year and spent time praying about what it means to “Trust” God with everything. I still struggle with this, because sometimes I desire a tangible support of having a person I can turn to who I know will be there physically or audibly.
While I was with my Fuller Formation Cohort we spent some time at the Glen Eyrie Retreat Center. When I was in the book store I came across of Rock that was engraved to say, “Trust in Him at all times.” I feel like God is speaking to me and I’m just beginning to get back to a place where I can hear him more clearly. I have often felt like I hear God more clearly when my life is filled with chaos. In some ways I do feel that is true.
Lord, I pray that you would open my ears to hear you, my eyes to see you, and my heart to feel you close to me. Help me to trust in you and turn to you when my anxieties rise. Help me to find my place of peace with you. Amen.